


American Love Story

by jandjsalmon



Category: American Horror Story RPF
Genre: Emotional Baggage, F/M, Parmiga, a fic where I'm not so nice to past girlfriends, underaged lusting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:44:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jandjsalmon/pseuds/jandjsalmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the set of American Horror Story a love story finds its beginning. Evan/Taissa</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As I am neither Evan Peters nor Taissa Farmiga (nor any of the other actual real people who will be mentioned in this story) I disclaim any ownership to anything other than the words I put in their mouths. This is a work of fiction and not meant to offend anyone... and should the real people in question ever read, please believe that it was written as the highest form of flattery. We know it's not real. (Of course that being said, this is what we Parmiga fangirls HOPED/WISHED happened and I've done my best to research the crap out of it so it can feel as real as possible.)

Taissa hadn't planned on living this life. For as long as she could remember, she was going to be a veterinarian – not an actress. It wasn't as though she'd been born 'in the business' even with an Oscar nominated older sister. But when Taissa had agreed to do Vera's movie, everything changed. She'd thought it would just mean a new set of wheels when she finally got her license, but after Sundance, Taissa knew there was no way she could ever go back to the way things were before.

Of course, Vera hadn't really broadcast what the in-between-roles part of her job entailed, so the waiting and searching part was entirely new to her and that was both exciting and a little bit scary.

She'd sent her audition video to Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk on a whim, so when her brand new agent, Carol, had called and told her to get her butt out to LA for an actual audition, Taissa hadn't had time to be nervous, she'd just hopped a plane with her mother and gone for it.

Now, with her mom waiting for her back at the hotel and her agent doing whatever agents do when their clients are in wardrobe and styling, it began to sink in just how surreal this entire experience was and she started feeling the pressure that Vera had assured her every actress went through. She'd never had to prove to anyone but herself (and maybe her sister) that she could hack it in this profession and despite being a little nervous, she couldn't help but think about how privileged she was to even get this far – it was her first audition, after all.

Grateful for the last minute script change altering her character - Violet - from being styled 'goth' complete with dyed black hair and too thick eye makeup, Taissa finished her audition pleased with her performance and with their feedback. Eric Dawson, the casting director, sounded really positive. He explained that the last step in the casting process was to see her interact with a few of the actors who would play opposite her. This was especially important with the Tate character who they were still in the middle of casting as well. It wouldn't matter how perfect the two of them performed individually, if they didn't radiate some sort of chemistry, even Meryl Streep-quality skills wouldn't be able to save them.

After her interview, Taissa shut Eric's office door behind her and felt her stomach untwist. It finally felt like she could breathe again – at least until she managed to bump straight into a solid dark green wall wearing a black baseball cap backwards.

The 'wall' had light brown shaggy curls and bright blue eyes to go with the solid arms that had reached around and caught her before she fell. When Taissa's eyes managed to focus again, she found that she recognized the face of her roadblock.

"Holy shit, you're Cassidy Casablancas!" was out of her mouth before her brain could filter out such a ridiculous thing to say. She felt her face flame. If there were words that could describe how embarrassed she was, they weren't coming to her. "Oh God, did I really say that out loud?"

His look of concern shifted to an amused smirk as he helped her find her footing. He kept his arm around Taissa's shoulders until he was sure she was steady and then he pulled back and held his hand out to her. "Hi, I'm Kyle."

"I'm so sorry," she tried to play it off bashfully, tucking a long strand of her hair behind her ear before accepting his handshake. "You probably have people do that to you all the time. Wow, I feel like a moron." Her mind was moving so fast that she wasn't sure if now was the time to tell him that she'd just marathoned Veronica Mars with her friend Christy the weekend before and he was by far her favourite part of the entire show. Yeah, probably not.

"Don't. It's fine," he answered easily, the friendly smile never leaving his face. "You auditioning for Murphy's new pilot?" He gestured down the long hallway she'd just come down.

Taissa turned her head as if to follow where he was looking before looking back to answer with a shy grin, "Yeah. Were you?" Her eyebrows lifted in curiosity. He looked about the right age to play Tate. It wouldn't be a terrible stretch for him to play someone in therapy... after all, hadn't Beaver been in dire need of shrink? At least he was good looking - it wouldn't be horrible being cast as the Violet to his Tate. Of course she'd have to get over her momentary mortification but it could work. He seemed nice enough anyway and he wasn't hard on the eyes. At least she knew he had talent.

The corner of his smile lifted but he shook his head. "No, but now I wish I was. I'm waiting for a friend. He's in with Ryan and Brad right now." His head nodded to what Taissa vaguely recalled was Ryan's office door across the way from where they were standing.

"Oh, that's too bad," she said softly, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder with a glance toward the door. "It could have been fun."

"Totally," he agreed. It wasn't every day that you tagged along to a friend's audition and met a cute girl who didn't seem to mind that you portrayed a lot of really crazy motherfuckers on screen.

Taissa felt disappointment sweep through her, but she smiled anyway. "This is my first television gig. It would've been nice to work with someone I know… well, maybe not know. More like just met because I physically assaulted you in a busy corridor. That kind of know."

Kyle chuckled, he knew exactly what she'd meant. He'd done enough guest spots on television shows where he didn't know anyone. It was completely different when you had someone near your age to hang out with between cuts.

He casually leaned back on the wall before scratching the back of his neck. "You've never done TV before? Really?" He seemed surprised and was just about to ask her what she was doing for lunch when as if on cue the door to the office across the hall opened in front of them. A blond boy with curly bed-head and an atrocious red plaid shirt cast a final farewell to the office's occupants and then stepped out into the hallway.

Kyle's eyes shifted immediately to his friend and the two young men nodded in familiarity. "You done already, Ev?" he asked quickly, forgetting for a moment that he'd been about to say something to Taissa.

The moment she'd seen Kyle's friend she felt her face heat up again but for an entirely different reason than the embarrassment she'd felt meeting Kyle.

The consummate actor, his smile hadn't faltered when he'd come out and seen the two of them standing together, but his dark brown eyes had appraised every inch of her before he'd walked over and she had definitely noticed. Where Kyle was adorable and really seemed like a sweet guy, this friend of his was something else entirely and Taissa definitely didn't have the words to describe him. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the hallway and everything around them that wasn't brown eyes and perfect dimples was foggy.

"I leave you alone for twenty minutes and you're already picking up beautiful girls? That's gotta be a record, even for you, Gallner." Evan forced his eyes to look toward his friend as he spoke, but as Taissa's blush deepened and she ducked her head shyly, he found that couldn't help looking back at her with a pleased grin. He liked that he'd made her blush. He didn't know enough girls who blushed.

His voice was deep, his midwest accent evident almost immediately, and it made her smile. When she lifted her head their eyes met and she felt warmth spread through her whole body.

"Well, we can't all be socially stunted like you, Peters." Kyle answered Evan's teasing with a grin. He could read interest all over his friend's features and when he saw the look on Evan's face, Kyle knew it was lost cause for him… but losing a girl to his friend wasn't the worst thing in the world. Clearly, an introduction was in order. He turned back to Taissa. "Evan, this is… you know, I don't think we got that far."

Quickly shaking the fog from her head, Taissa answered with a light laugh that they'd managed the entire conversation without him even knowing her name. "I'm Taissa. Taissa Farmiga."

"Taissa," Kyle said gently, rolling her name around in his mouth for a moment before turning to his friend. "Well, Taissa, this is my friend Evan Peters. Try not to believe anything he says about me. He's a pathological liar."

Evan rolled his eyes but laughed out loud at that anyway. "All I said is that you had mad skills picking up chicks. I must've be lying." Grinning, he held out a hand to her. "Hello, Taissa. I think I've seen you before."

Taissa felt sparks as she slid her small hand into his but it wasn't something scary… there was just something 'comfortable' about him that made her want to wholly be herself. "Was that a pick-up line, because if it was, I think you need take lessons from him," she teased, surprised that being herself meant teasing a perfect stranger… who happened to smell amazing and look really good in jeans – despite his unfortunate shirt.

Chuckling at her comeback, Evan realized that he'd held onto her hand a bit longer than he needed to, but when he let go, there was a physical sense of loss and he wondered if she'd felt it too. From the look on her face she had. "No really, I think I saw something you were in. You look really familiar."

"I've only been in one thing," she admitted almost sheepishly, her fingers still tingling from where he'd held them. "It was at Sundance, though. If you saw any of last year's movies maybe you saw mine. Higher Ground?"

"That's right!" Evan silently thanked whatever God was up there for making him a film nerd…. a film nerd who'd been dumped the week before the film festival so he'd had lots of time to geek-out over Indie films. "You were amazing! That was your first job?"

Taissa grinned, nodding modestly. "Thank you so much! It was so much fun working with my sister. I didn't even know I wanted to be an actress before that. It was just supposed to be something that got me out of New Jersey for the summer."

"That is a way better story to tell than the one I have about why I became an actor," he admitted sheepishly, feeling himself walk nearer to her as she spoke.

"Why did you decide to become an actor?" she asked, her curiosity piqued and her head tilting toward his as though they were sharing secrets instead of just doing the typical small-talk introduction thing. His voice was hypnotizing in a way that made her want to ask silly random questions just to hear how he'd pronounce whatever the answers were.

The corner of his mouth lifted in a cheeky smirk. "I wanted to meet the Olson twins and I figured acting was the best way to do it."

"That's awesome and completely nerdy. A much more entertaining story than mine." She nodded sagely, lifting her hand to cover her laughter.

Evan laughed right along with her, deciding that he could be content making her smile like that all afternoon when the office door across the hall slammed loudly, jarring his thoughts from their more pleasant occupation and forcing him to look up to see what had caused the commotion.

Outside Ryan Murphy's office stood both creators of American Horror Story looking at them with quizzical expressions on their faces. It was obvious that they'd been watching Evan and Taissa for a while as they had gone back and forth without noticing anyone else around them.

After a silent pause, Taissa realized that in that cloudy haze they'd totally forgotten about Kyle as well, who was standing back and looking at them with a similar expression to the two other men.

It was Ryan who spoke first and it was quiet, likely meant for Brad's ears alone but reaching the others' just the same. "I think it's pretty obvious that we've found them. They'll work well together and God, they'll be pretty on screen."

A smiling Brad was nodding slowly in agreement. "We need to tell Eric. He'll be thrilled. He said he was blown away with her audition and we both knew as soon as Evan walked in the door that he was our Tate."

What had started as a private conversation became more interactive when Ryan picked up his cell and started speaking excitedly to someone and Brad waved both Evan and Taissa over.

Evan gently placed his hand at the base of her lower back to guide her across with him but Taissa stopped him with a soft touch to his shoulder and a whispered, "You go ahead, I'll be right there." It hadn't taken her long to digest what they'd said and she couldn't keep hope from flaring up inside her; she needed a minute to calm herself before she faced what was coming.

Taissa felt pretty confident that she wouldn't have a problem with chemistry if she was asked to play opposite Evan. In fact, if it was possible, she felt they might have too much chemistry. They'd ignored poor Kyle for who knows how long.

Smiling apologetically, she turned toward the other boy standing near the window. She couldn't really vocalize an apology, not when Brad was talking excitedly to Evan or when Ryan, who'd just hung up with the casting director, gestured again for her to join them.

Kyle seemed to understand though, and he smiled and nodded for her to go ahead and cross the hall to speak with the others. He wasn't used to losing the attention of pretty girls to his friend but it wasn't a blow to his ego at all. Evan was fun to hang out with and had a lot of friends, but usually he was pretty reserved around new people. Unless they were at a party with people they knew and a lot of beer, Kyle couldn't remember a time when Evan had been so blatantly flirty with someone… definitely before Alexia and probably before Laura too.

It wasn't long before Ryan and Brad left them and Evan and Taissa made their way back to Kyle a few moments later. "So, you guys both got the parts?" he asked and the both of them nodded enthusiastically, trying not to be too obvious about their stolen glances towards one another. "You know that means that if this pilot is picked up, we get to see a lot more of you around, Taissa. Can't commute all the way from Jersey, right?"

Taissa's grin spread across her face. "You're right! I guess you'd be stuck with me. Know anyone who can show me all the cool things to do in California?"

Kyle's eyes flickered to his friend for a brief second before settling on the girl beside him. "I'm sure we could figure out a schedule for play-dates or something. Speaking of which, would you like to experience a truly Californian treat for lunch? Evan and I were going to In-And-Out before you ruthlessly bumped into me."

Evan grinned, expecting Taissa to agree readily but was surprised to see the smile flicker from her face only to be replaced with a disappointed frown.

"I wish I could, but my mom is waiting for me back at the hotel. She'll kill me if I don't get back to tell her about the job. Maybe another time?" she said hopefully. Surely another time would present itself – especially if she was going to spend the next few weeks out here filming the pilot.

Evan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He hadn't expected her to say that. "Your mom's out here with you?"

"Yeah," Taissa replied, her eyebrows creasing in confusion. "She said I wasn't old enough to do this on my own yet."

"Well, how old are you?" Kyle asked, nervous about where this conversation was going. He tried to silently get Evan's attention but his friend's eyes were focused solely on the girl in front of them.

"I'll be seventeen in August," she answered him without taking her eyes off Evan's. Her heart started pounding in her ears and she suddenly felt sick. "Why, how old are you?"

Evan's stunned silence said it all.

Kyle salvaged the conversation with what he hoped was a little humour. "Old enough to know better, that's for sure," he said cryptically, giving Taissa what amounted to a sad smile. Sometimes things just sucked and this was one of them.

Her head tilted as she tried to piece together what he'd meant, but it was that moment that Carol decided to show her face and Taissa was left without the privacy needed to ask why Evan looked like someone had run over his cat.

"There you are, Taissa! I've been looking for you." Her agent was talking a mile a minute, jabbering on about the contract she'd been given to look over by Murphy's people and how Luba wanted to go over it before they signed anything.

The woman's incessant chatter left Taissa without a real opportunity to get the answers she wanted from the two young men properly. She managed to offer a weak good-bye with a vocalized hope that she'd see them both again soon – that maybe they'd be able to get that burger before rehearsals began – before being ushered away down the hall the way Carol had come. She couldn't help feeling a bit panicky without having a physical reason to feel that way. The day had been going so well.

Once she'd gone, Evan and Kyle didn't say anything for a few moments, they just stared down the hall where she'd disappeared.

It was Kyle who broke the silence first, patting his friend on the shoulder in consolation. "Tough break, dude. That fucking blows."

"Yeah… wow," was Evan's only reply. He hadn't expected to feel like this after only one day with her. Not even a day – it'd only been like an hour. Suddenly he was taken back five months to the last time he'd felt pain like this… No, that pain was different. This time there was no relationship and no messy break-up with Laura promising they'd stay friends when they both knew it was a complete lie. There was certainly no rebound chick waiting in the wings - unless he counted Alexia and her constant texts that she wanted to get back together. He felt kind of hollow, actually. Stunned. Embarrassed for even thinking… for even feeling whatever it was that he'd felt for someone who was for all intents and purposes still a kid. Evan wasn't quite sure what was worse… knowing that he would have to see her… work with her and knowing that she was unattainable because of her fucking age or the idea of not seeing her, never touching her, and not being with her. It felt fucking hopeless.

He let out a sigh and rubbed a weary hand over his face. Plenty of emotional garbage to channel into his new character. A character who, if their interaction in pilot's script was any indication, would be in love with hers by the middle of the season. Fucking excellent. "I don't know about you, man, but I really need a hit. You got any weed at your place or do we need to go get some?"

Frowning, Kyle nodded as he followed Evan out to the parking lot. His thoughts were moving faster than his words ever could. He knew there was nothing to be done about the situation at the moment, but that wasn't to say it would always be that way. There had been something between them - that much was clear and Kyle just hoped their pilot got picked up for a full season and they would be given more time to work out what it was, exactly.

Getting into the passenger seat of Evan's black Mustang, he decided then and there that he was going to help whatever it was along whether she was a legal adult or not. It's what good friends did and he was pretty sure he wanted to be her friend just as much as he was Evan's.


	2. Chapter 2

Twenty four. He was  _twenty four_  years old.

Taissa had never wanted to throw her mobile phone across a room more than she did at that moment. Mentally cursing  _Wikipedia_  and its stupid biographical information, she knew that if she hadn't been sharing a hotel room with her mother she most certainly would have broken down in angry, disappointed tears.

What she  _wanted_  to do was stomp her feet and throw a temper tantrum… but she was sixteen not six and she was self-aware enough to know when she was being a stereotype. She hated drama-queen teenagers and refused to be one, even when she was upset. Besides, tears would have been hard to explain away when, for all other intents and purposes, the day had been a good one.

She was going to be an actress… no, she  _was_  an actress - with a paying gig and everything - she could do  _this_.

Her first real audition and her first cable network show and she would get to share it with the first person with whom she'd ever had one of those heart-stopping, world fading into blurry edged moments. It was oddly appropriate that it would also be the first time she'd ever felt this kind of hollow detachment about losing something she'd never had in the first place. Sometimes fate was a bitch.

And that's what she had decided this was…  _fate_. If it hadn't been for her completely accidental 'bump' into Kyle, then she wouldn't have met his friend Evan… at least not when they would be observed by the  _American Horror Story_  creators. It must have been obvious that they had chemistry because they'd gotten both gotten the parts immediately.

The connection was unlike anything Taissa had ever felt before. As soon as Evan had stepped out of Ryan's office she'd felt an incomprehensible draw – a compulsion – to know him, to be part of his life, to just share _everything_  with him – even the things that no one else got to see. She would have sworn on everything she owned that  _he_  had been experiencing the same thing… but then she'd said  _something_  and her agent came and everything moved quickly. Taissa had to leave before she could sort out why Evan's face had fallen or why Kyle had given her such a sympathetic look as she was leaving. The promise of them spending time together before shooting the pilot seemed less certain with every step she took away from them.

Of course, now she knew  _why_. She was practically a baby compared to him. Most likely, Evan was mortified that he'd spent an hour chatting up a girl who was in elementary school when he graduated from high school. There was  _no way_  that he'd be interested in her now that he knew how young she was and that hurt  _so much._

Worse still, she would have to work with him and pretend that whatever  _'moment'_  they'd shared was nothing at all. The best they could be was friends… and she wasn't sure that was even an  _option_  any more. She felt foolish but Taissa was torn between wanting the show to be a success and hoping that the show wasn't picked up at all to keep her from having to suffer through that.

As her mother made excited phone calls arranging the flight home with her father, Taissa packed her clothes neatly into her suitcase and tried to force her thoughts back to the good things that happened that day. Surrounded by things that didn't belong to her, she felt alone and that dull sadness that had descended upon her seemed only to deepen.

It was comforting to know that it wouldn't be long until she had her sister, Laryssa, to confide in again, but she wasn't exactly sure how much she wanted to tell. Being the baby in the family, Taissa had always relied on her nearest sister for comfort and advice and support and Laryssa would never let her just sit around and mope. Taissa hoped she could convince her to come back to California when they filmed the pilot in case everything got to be too much for her to deal with alone. Not that there was anything to  _'deal'_  with anyway. Sighing loudly, she lifted herself up off her  _rented_  bed, telling herself that it was what it was. There was no changing it.

After perfunctory calls to his agent and his mother letting them both know he'd gotten the part, and a quick trip to Barnes and Noble to buy  _'Helter Skelter and Beyond'_ , Evan had spent the better part of the next two days baked out of his mind at Kyle's. While this generally wasn't an uncommon state for him to be in, the reason for it this time  _was_  and even Kyle was beginning to get concerned. Well, to be fair, it wasn't Evan being stoned that worried Kyle - who was  _he_  to judge? No, it was that Evan had a history of making shit decisions when under the influence.

It was around the twenty-four hour mark when the goofy grin that normally spread across Evan's face dropped. His mind focused again on what had gotten them there in the first place and the depth of his depression was only intensified by the high.

"You know she fucking felt it too, right?" he questioned for what had to be the third time. Not usually so desperate for validation, Evan almost winced at the sound of his own voice. He could feel himself coming down and that what is the last thing he wanted. He started packing another bowl and sent a pleading look to Kyle for confirmation. It couldn't have been just him.

Snacking on a bag of bagel chips, Kyle bobbed his head again in agreement - he'd answered this already. Of course she had - It had been as obvious as a gun fight in a Tarantino movie. "If she didn't then she's a fucking good actress."

Evan paused, his brow furrowing at Kyle's words. "She's a fucking  _great_  actress," he said sharply, challenging his friend to refute it. "It's going to be a fucking nightmare working with her like this."

"Maybe if you guys just had a distraction," Kyle contemplated aloud; ignoring the 'nightmare' comment and thinking of all the ways he could bring them together that wouldn't end up with a very public arrest. Group activities would be harmless, right? She wanted to experience California; He was already planning a mass trip to Disneyland in his head. House parties and nothing too heavy - anything to keep them from focusing on what they _couldn't_  do until she was at least seventeen. Seventeen was less creepy. And even then, it would only really be a problem if someone  _reported_ them anyway, right?

Evan, on the other hand, latched on to the word  _distraction_  at the precise moment he received yet another text message from someone who could prove to be just that.

Ignoring the voice in his head trying to talk him out of it, Evan flipped his phone and answered Lexie's text message, agreeing to meet her for coffee later to 'talk'. She'd wanted to get back together since their messy break-up three weeks before. He'd received texts and emails and even a few tearful calls in the middle of the night, trying to explain her side of things and begging him to come back. He hadn't had any intention to be anything more than friends with her ever again. He hadn't missed her - he knew he didn't love her - but it wasn't lost on him that if he had a girlfriend then it would just be one more layer protecting him from the inevitable pain he'd feel if he let himself fall for Taissa. It might not be the nicest thing he'd ever done, but if using Alexia meant that he wouldn't get hurt then he would do it.

Kyle lifted his eyebrow, unsure of what Evan had just committed himself to but certain that whatever it was, it couldn't be good. He didn't ask though, choosing instead to hand the bong to his friend for another hit. "It's going to be fine." His tone was assuring, confident even. He had a plan, even if he hadn't told his friend yet. They just needed to get Taissa come out with them when she got back to California.

Evan exhaled, puffing the smoke out dramatically as he nodded at Kyle's words. The buzz of his phone let him know that Lexie would meet him later that night. Everything  _would_  be fine. He had a new job and he would be able to stretch creatively for his character - if the books about Charles Manson were anything to go by. No time to worry about wanting things he couldn't have… and if he was  _really_  lucky maybe the show wouldn't be picked up anyway and then he wouldn't have anything to worry about at all.

To Taissa, the flight back to New Jersey felt longer than the one out to the coast had. As far as she was concerned, it was a pointless trip when they'd only be coming back to California in less than a week but she didn't say anything about it to her mother because she didn't want to make small talk. Instead, Taissa had tried to take a nap on the plane and when that plan failed she pulled out a book in an attempt to take her mind off what she was leaving behind. Her heart wasn't ready to be excited about the pilot and Taissa was exhausting herself just thinking about the performance she was going to have to pull off once she got back to California – both on set and off of it. She knew it was silly but she wanted to spend the next few days at home brooding as much as possible because as soon as she got back Taissa knew she would have to ignore the ache in her chest and just  _pretend_ that everything was okay.

Whether it because she was too busy planning the next few weeks, or mentally organizing the big family dinner that she'd decided they were having the following day, Luba didn't seem to notice Taissa's intentional silence. Even her father, who'd given her a hug when he picked them up at the airport, didn't say anything. He just assumed she was tired. And she was.

Seeing as they were only going to be home for four days, there was a lot to do before they returned to California. Taissa slept late the first day and then spent the rest of the afternoon trying to finish up the few projects she still had left for school. Unlike her older siblings, she'd only gone to a regular school until the fourth grade, but that didn't mean she didn't have homework to do. It was hard to keep her mind on the intricacies of the French Revolution, so she was relieved when she heard little stomping feet run down the hallway before her favourite little monster jumped out to scare her.

"Titka Taissa! I scared you!?" Fynn yelled happily when he saw her exaggerated look of fear and surprise.

A wide grin spread across her face and the warmth she felt when he climbed up on to the bed and into her awaiting arms was the first real happiness that she'd felt in days. Always a patient aunt, Taissa cheerfully sat through his little two-year-old babblings about the mischief he'd gotten into since the last time he'd seen her and all about how big his little sister, Gytta, was getting and how relieved he was that she didn't just cry all the time anymore.

During the filming of  _'Higher Ground'_ , she'd grown especially close to her nephew, and she loved hearing his little simplified views of the world. They made everything in her life seem so trivial when the little guy in her arms was jabbering about what was really important.

Taissa's smile didn't fade when she looked up and caught her older sister leaning casually against the doorway just watching them.

"Hey, you," she said softly, gesturing for Vera to join them on the bed. She was a lot younger than her older sister, but their personalities were very similar and they'd always been friends.

"I hear congratulations are in order, Little Bit." Vera lowered herself beside them and reached her arms out for her son. He climbed in them happily and kissed her before hopping off the bed in search of his Baba Luba.

Taissa sighed, hoping her weariness wasn't as obvious as it felt. "Yeah, I guess so."

Her sister's eyebrow arched and she tilted her head. They'd had many discussions on whether this 'acting thing' was really what Taissa wanted to do with her life. It meant a lot of rejection and a lot of disappointment and while Vera knew her sister was strong enough to handle it, this wasn't something that could be taken lightly. "You okay?"

The tears that had threatened since almost the moment she'd found out about the part and Evan and everything else seemed to think that now was the time to show themselves. "I don't know what's wrong with me, V. Everything is going to change and I just want… I don't know what I want but I'm worried." She wasn't worried that she wasn't good enough. She wasn't even worried about the 'work' – she was worried that she would give her whole heart and soul into this project and she had a really strong feeling that she might lose it when it was all over and it would mean nothing.

"You know," Vera weighed and measured her words, hoping that she would be able to give her sister every shred of comfort that could help her, "It wouldn't be worth it if it was easy, Tai. Sometimes things in life are worth working for. Is this one of those things?"

Taissa thought of how lucky it was to find something you loved to do and then get to spend the rest of your life doing it. She remembered the joy she felt at Sundace when she was able to reach people with her performance and how blown away she'd felt when she'd seen the film herself and realized that it was something great and wonderful that she'd been a part of. She relived that feeling again as she remembered the depths of emotion she'd had to channel to play Corinne and how being part of it all had meant  _so_  much to her. Then she thought of Evan and how much she wanted to get to know him and smile with him and make him laugh and how she had never wanted to be one of those girls who wasn't themselves around a guy.

She didn't want to 'pretend' and act in her real life. That had been the first thing that Vera had told her when she'd approached her about following in her footsteps. She'd said that they put on a mask for the world when they played a part but who they  _really_  were needed to be seen by those closest to them. And most importantly - they couldn't remain themselves if they didn't know who they were.

Taissa knew that it would be worth it. This was a new step but it was in the same direction. And Vera was right. Some things in life were worth working for. If that meant getting over herself and the butterflies that swirled and twisted in her stomach when she thought of him then so be it. She worked with Boyd – she'd  _kissed_  Boyd – and he'd been nearly fifteen years older than her. She would be fine with Evan who was half that.

She knew her answer and she was able to give it without reservation, hugging her sister in gratitude. "I think it might be."


	3. Chapter 3

This wasn't going to be Evan's first time on a set. In fact, in had been nearly a decade since he'd stepped foot on his first and in the years since then he couldn't even count how many others there had been. One thing was certain - every set felt the same – whether it was television or Disney or an Independent film and it was nothing like people who weren't in the business thought. Whenever he talked to people who wanted to 'make it big' someday they always made stuff like this sound glamorous and exciting but it really wasn't. It was  _boring_. Wasn't it John Candy that said that actors weren't paid to perform? According to him, they did  _that_  because they loved it and they were paid to wait around in between tiny snippets of actual acting. It was  _so_ true.

His alarm had rung at half past five that first morning. He had already been awake, staring at the ceiling for the better part of an hour.  _She_  was going to be on set with him that day. It would be the first time he saw her since their moment outside Ryan's office and the very thought of facing her and having to  _pretend_ made him feel like he was being buried by soaking wet mattresses.

In the nearly three weeks since he'd met Taissa Farmiga, he'd managed to keep his thoughts about her to those brief moments just before he fell asleep and the split seconds when he hadn't fully awoken from dreams in the morning. He didn't know her well enough to allow her to invade any other part of his waking life, but with the impending change to their relationship – where really  _knowing her_ would become less of a fantasy and more of an everyday thing, at least for the duration of filming – his nausea was understandable.

In fact, he could trace his current bout of queasiness to the night before, when his old- _new_ girlfriend, Alexia, had casually asked him whether he'd met any of his co-stars yet and whether he was excited to start with the costuming and table reading and other preliminary things before filming could actually begin.

He'd answered noncommittally without divulging much at all, and shrugged off further inquiry by turning the conversation back to a topic she never grew tired of,  _herself_. They'd finished up the night making out on the soft patchwork sofa in his living room and he'd been relieved when his roommate Ryan had come home early from his Dramatic Theory class, interrupting them.

With his early call to set the next day, there'd been a very real reason Lexie couldn't stay overnight, but it was getting harder and harder to explain why they hadn't actually gone any further than heavy petting this time round. They'd been back together for nearly two weeks and though he'd tried to make it clear to her that he wanted to take it a little bit slower than they had before, he could tell Alexia was more than a little hurt at his distance.

Considering that it had been less than two months before that they had been having sex on nearly every surface of Lexie's apartment, his hesitation  _had_  to concern her. Evan couldn't bring himself to really care though. Not really. Not when taking it slow meant that he wouldn't feel the guilt of fucking a girl he wasn't in love with while still giving him the advantage of a having a  _girlfriend_ to protect him from making an entirely different bad decision with a girl he knew shouldn't fall for but probably would.

He'd never cheated on a girlfriend before and he sure as hell wasn't about to start now – so despite every fibre in his being telling him that Taissa had felt the same thing he had in that hallway, Evan knew that keeping Lexie on the hook was keeping him from committing a felony. It was as simple as that. Of course, Evan was fully aware that using her like this was a dick move but it was what it was.

In a move that was unusual for television, at least in Evan's experience, the main cast was getting together for breakfast before they gathered for the first table read. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep anything down and it wasn't just because it would be the first time he'd see Taissa again. Jessica Lange was a legend and he was going to have to sit across a table from her eating waffles or something and try not to look every bit like the dork he knew he was.

On the drive to the studio Evan tried to talk himself out of being nervous. Maybe if he told himself enough times that he was good enough, it would eventually stick. Maybe if he told himself that he and Taissa could be friends and  _only_  friends, it would stick. Maybe.  _Maybe._

With a nod to the attendant, Evan pulled into the parking lot reserved for signed talent and got out of his car, slamming the Mustang's door a little harder than usual. He winced and turned back to make sure that his  _baby_ was all right. The car had been something he'd bought after he filmed the first  _'Never Back Down'_ , and he was pretty sure that he loved the black Mustang more than the kid he played in the movie did.

Satisfied that his car was fine, Evan forced himself to take a deep breath before walking into the offices that would be his home away from home for the next month.

There were a lot more people milling around the buffet table waiting to get started than he'd expected and since he didn't really know any of them yet, he quietly stood back, sipping his Venti Mocha Valencia while he waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Before he'd finished his coffee he was face to face with someone he hadn't seen in a long time.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," he exclaimed brightly, grinning at the blonde woman who'd just come through the door. "I didn't know you were working this one, Alex. That's awesome!"

The  _'Alex'_  in question was a former girlfriend but over the years they'd become actual  _friends_ too. He couldn't say that about many of the girls he dated and that made Alex Breckenridge special. The fact that she didn't take any of his shit didn't hurt either.

Alexandra gave him a quick hug before taking position at his side, leaning against him leaning against the wall instead of taking a chair. She reached over and helped herself to the coffee in his hand, dramatically making a face when she tasted the chocolate mixed with orange. "Still drinking that shit, huh?" she grumbled, handing it back to him with a scrunched up nose and a disgusted look on her face.

"Yes I am," he replied, holding a laugh in but just barely. "So you can keep your damn hands to yourself. I didn't get any sleep last night so I need my caffeine. I'm fragile."

"Fragile my ass," was her quick reply as she laughed at his comedic attempt to look affronted. Evan knew he didn't carry it off well so he gave it up quickly. He was about to ask about her role in the show when the room starting to quiet down as the bodies that had been milling around the breakfast buffet took their seats.

The pair joined the rest of them just as Ryan Murphy came in with Jessica Lange at his side. The two were chatting quietly, both with cups of tea in hand, and Alex's attention turned immediately to them which was just as well because all Evan could see was  _her_.

He had felt Taissa's presence the moment she had walked through the door. He watched her take those initial cautious steps into the room, observing everything around her as though she was filing away what she saw to dissect again later when she was alone. She moved into her seat seamlessly, her big caramel eyes skimming from face to face as if they were searching for someone specific and when they found his, her whole face lit up. Her smile was incredible, it nearly knocked him over.

She was just as he'd expected her to be. Casual but still professional, her soft grey skirt hit just below her knees, her cream coloured shirt had some sort of pale pink flower on it and her hair was pulled back on the sides in pretty twists. Her tall boots made her look more grown up than she had any business to look. She was  _beautiful_.

He couldn't look away. If anyone was watching, they would have been able to read his every thought on his face and he would've been arrested right then and there.

With a small smile, she silently mouthed a 'hello' as she sat down and Evan felt his face heat up as he returned her smile.  _Yeah, no maybes about it. She'd felt it too. He was in so much trouble._

Taissa managed to slip into her chair just as Ryan started speaking to the group. Though she did try, it was difficult to pay attention when all she really wanted to do was go over and sit next to Evan. There were things she needed to say to him and if the heady feeling she was experiencing just by making him blush from across a room was anything to go by, she knew that once she had his undivided attention again it would feel even better than that one time she got high in Christy Romaniuk's basement.

Since before their plane landed in California, Taissa had been mentally going over what she wanted to say to him. She'd come to the conclusion somewhere over Kansas that age didn't matter at all to her. She didn't want to pretend that she didn't feel anything. She wanted to be herself and being herself meant she wanted him to understand how she felt. Even if her age freaked him out, they could at least be friends. Besides, she wasn't going to be sixteen forever and some things in life  _were_ worth working for, after all.

Of course, a wrench was thrown into everything when she'd met Kyle and Evan in Ryan's hallway and her agent had rushed her away before she could give them her phone number. She could have probably had Carol get Evan's for her but it wasn't something she wanted to advertise to her agent  _or_ her mother. As the baby of the family, Taissa was really close to her mom and she loved her dearly, but there were just some things you didn't want your parents involved in – and a potential crush on a co-star who was nearly eight years older was definitely one of them.

So, they'd been in California for two days, and Taissa hadn't had anything to occupy her time other than dragging her sister Laryssa to the beach. It was around the corner from Vera's condo where they were staying for the few weeks of filming and though it wasn't nearly as good as the missed opportunity to go out with Kyle and Evan, it was better than sitting around the house moping all day. Taissa was definitely happy to finally get to work.

Only half listening to Ryan describing the production schedule, Taissa smiled gratefully at her mother who'd just brought her a bran muffin from the buffet table, and then turned back to catch Evan looking at her once more. Instead of the smile she'd been expecting, he had an oddly contemplative look on his face that turned to a frown just as his attention was pulled away from her by the blonde woman sitting beside him. She was  _gorgeous_. Like a bikini model on a magazine cover gorgeous, and the way the obviously older woman leaned into him, whispering something that made the dimples in his cheeks reappear made it clear that they knew one another.

An irrational and utterly unfamiliar stab of jealousy coursed through her, making her heart pound loudly in her ears and her smile tighten. Taissa forced herself to look away – to look anywhere but  _there_.

She didn't like feeling this way. Not about him – not about  _anyone_. She hated being like all the other girls she knew who turned into spiteful little bitches when another pretty girl came within five feet of the guy they liked. It just wasn't  _her_ and despite feeling like she was having her head held underwater, she wasn't going to let it show. She wasn't one to make big dramatic scenes anyway. Maybe that's why she liked Violet so much. Violet said it exactly like it was and didn't take bullshit from anyone, where Taissa knew that she would be much more likely to just let things go, even if they hurt her.

Thankfully, Taissa didn't have much time to dwell on the suffocating pressure in the vicinity of her heart because finalized scripts were being handed out by several of Ryan's assistants and Taissa allowed her eyes to drop to the small booklet in her hands instead of down and across the table.

As the Craft Services people started cleaning up the breakfast dishes, Taissa flipped through the first few pages to get to the scene where her Violet came in. Most of the interactions remained the same from the draft she'd been sent in New Jersey and she didn't bother containing her smirk as she silently reread her own lines to herself. When a movement just to her left caught her attention, she lifted her eyes to find her on-screen mother, Connie Britton, chuckling to herself as well.

She visually appraised the other woman, wondering how believable it would be having Mrs. Coach portray her mother. It was probably one of those things that only a Friday Night Lights fangirl would think about and it was definitely not something an aspiring actress would mention to someone she admired, but it went through her mind anyway and how she was able to give Connie a shy smile when the older woman's grey eyes caught her staring was anyone's guess. Taissa was grateful that she smiled back and felt herself let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding in. Maybe it wasn't just a fluke that she was there among these legends. Maybe she _was_ good enough… well, good enough to be an actress anyway.

Frowning as her thoughts turned darker, Ryan pulled her out of it when he began to address the room at large, describing when and where location shoots were going to take place and the general locations of where everything was going to be. They were going to film the entire pilot in an actual Hollywood mansion to represent the Murder House and in a week or two there would be a few scenes filmed in and around a local high school. Costuming had already started their collections for each character and they would be taking photos of the actors during their wardrobe fittings beginning that afternoon to make final decisions on what their characters would and would not wear in the actual show.

Taissa was slated for three hours of government mandated on-set schooling and then she would spend the rest of her work day trying on beanies and oversized cardigans for the costume department. She managed to hold back her eye-roll at yet another mention of how young she was, but audibly sighed when she looked over at Evan and found his face devoid of any emotion at all and his head curiously bowed as if the table was suddenly the most fascinating thing in the world.  _Seriously?_.

He must have heard her sigh, or maybe it was just that her disappointment was  _that_  physically tangible, because even from across the room he lifted his dark brown eyes to hers. Once again Taissa caught the full intensity of his gaze but she didn't look away. Her own brown eyes equally matched his, her eyebrow raised as she mentally challenged him to keep pretending that there wasn't anything going on between them and that there wasn't ever going to be something. He knew as well as she did that some things were  _inevitable._

Every time her age was mentioned it was like getting kicked in the gut. Forget being nervous about starting a new job with experienced and award-winning actors and directors, Evan felt sick from the moment he saw her _mother_  bring her breakfast. A mother was physical evidence of something he didn't want to think about. Something he thought about far too often and what scared him most was that he was  _so_ close to walking the line of not caring.

Of course, he hadn't ever really thought about having kids of his own, preferring instead to have as much fun in his youth as possible and let the future take care of the future, but when he looked at Taissa he couldn't help but think about how justified her father would be in kicking his ass. He knew he wouldn't hesitate to do the same if some asshole came near  _his_  daughter – especially if his daughter looked like  _her_.

It wasn't difficult to keep his feelings from showing all over his face; he was an actor and had been for the better part of a decade, so he schooled his features and made a conscious effort not to look in her direction. But it wasn't hard to tell she was disappointed in him and knowing that he'd done that hurt him more than anything. He didn't want to  _disappoint_ her. He wanted to spend his days making her smile.

Alex whispered something to him but he honestly couldn't really recall what it was. He figured it was asking to borrow his phone though when she smacked his shoulder and took his Blackberry right out of his hand. Normally it would make him laugh but he was too lost in what Ryan was saying about filming at a high school to notice. Like he needed yet  _another_ thing to remind him how much older he was than her. When they mentioned Taissa's on-set school, Evan nearly threw up… until he heard a pained sigh from across the table that drew his eyes up before he could catch himself.

The hard look she was giving him was more powerful than words could ever be. It was clear that she wasn't going to let him get away with his forced silence… and really, if he'd been thinking clearly he would have realized that they wouldn't be able to go on like this no matter how much it stung to see what he wanted but couldn't have paraded in front of him every day.

After what seemed like hours, but was probably less than half that, Ryan dismissed them all, sending everyone off to work on their respective projects for the first few days of filming. A proper read through was set for the following afternoon.

Though he was due in wardrobe fittings, Evan felt his feet pulling him across the room to where Taissa was standing, holding a bottle of water and her iPhone and giving him a blatant smirk that said she'd known she would be his first destination even if  _he_ hadn't. Clearly, she'd summoned him with her mind.

"Hey," Taissa said, her smile wide, when he finally got close enough for what could pass for privacy in a room full of dozens of other people.

While not tongue-tied, as he'd expected to be, Evan couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the smell of summer flowers that wafted toward him every time she moved. It was her perfume or her shampoo or something - he was never good at identifying that sort of thing – but it was far more intoxicating than his usual high. It made him want to forget his resolve that they could only ever be  _just_ friends.

"I forgot to give you my number," she continued, leaning toward him, her eyes focused on his face as though no one else in the world mattered. As far as she was concerned, no one else  _did_. "The last time we spoke, I mean. I didn't give you my number, so I guess it was kind of silly to wait around for you or Kyle to call me to go out for burgers."

"Uh, yeah," he answered dumbly, scratching the back of his head uncomfortably because he couldn't say what he wanted to and he didn't know how to act around her now. "I guess I didn't think about it at the time."

"Well, you had other things on your mind," was her answer and then she didn't say anything else at all; she just searched his face for any kind of reaction, waiting to see if he had anything else to say or whether he was going to give up on this.

"I'm sorry, Taissa." His voice was hollow; thoughts of a girl with long dark hair waiting for him back in Burbank sat burrowing a hole in him from the inside out.

The younger girl blinked at him for a long moment before taking a deep breath and flipping her hair over her shoulder. "You shouldn't be, Evan."

"I am though." He reached a hand out and touched her arm. He needed to fix this but he didn't know how. He didn't know what they could do to ever make this feel good again.

"I know. It'll be fine though, you know." Her big caramel eyes held his gaze. She looked so confident, so full of determination that he wanted to believe her more than anything.

The soft fabric of her shirt felt warm beneath his fingers as he brushed against her sleeve. Something clicked in his head. Three weeks. He had  _three weeks_  of this before everything slipped through his fingers and he had to give her up. He knew he was bound to relive the next three weeks over and over again in his head for the rest of his life but he couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted her and even though he couldn't keep her - even though he couldn't have her the way he  _wanted_ to, he was going to make sure the next three weeks weren't filled with awkward moments and stolen glances.

It was almost as if Taissa was sharing his thoughts because she tilted her head and gave him a sideways smile. "I still need someone to show me around California." She paused for a second and then her grin widened. "You think Kyle has any plans?"

Evan let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and he let himself laugh at her teasing. All the tension in his shoulders eased. They could do this. There were no maybes. "He's older than I am, you know."

"Oh, I  _know_ ," was her cheeky return. If she was bolder she would have winked. "Age doesn't mean anything to me. Age is just a number."

Evan's eyebrow lifted, an almost shell-shocked smile spread across his face in what he could only equate to as hope. Of course, he had no right to hope when he had a girlfriend. Though maybe he didn't  _have_ to have a girlfriend.

He was about to rise to the bait she so purposefully left dangling when both their attentions were drawn to where Alexandra stood a few feet away from them. She looked murderous which was ironic, given the subject matter of the show.

"You've  _got_  to be shitting me, Ev!" his friend interjected, not realizing what she was interrupting. She walked purposefully toward them, practically flinging his Blackberry into his chest as she smacked his arm. "Tell your crazy bitch of a girlfriend to keep her damn mouth shut around me or the next time I see her I'm going to fucking shut it  _for_ her before I rip all the hair right out of her head!"

Thankfully, Alex had kept her voice low enough that only those nearest to them could hear, but the disgusted look on her face couldn't be ignored and two of Ryan's PAs immediately began to hover, making sure whatever it was that had pissed off Alex wasn't something that might jeopardize the show. Annoyed, she swatted them away but that didn't stop them from giving her very uptight looks from where they'd retreated to at the edge of the room.

"What the fuck are you thinking? Alexia was a superficial bitch the  _last_  time you went out with her. What would possess you to put yourself  _and the rest of us_ through that again?" Her tirade was far from over, she was blathering on about how she'd accidentally picked up when his phone rang in her hands, but all Evan could see was Taissa's face and how almost imperceptibly but noticeably enough to him, an artificial wall went up between them. Her concerned frown vanished and the corner of her mouth lifted once more but this time her smile didn't reach her eyes and he knew he'd lost her.

Suddenly everything Kyle had been trying to get through to him over the last week made sense and if he could've mentally punched himself in the face - he would have. The idea of having a  _girlfriend_ to protect his heart from breaking was insane. What had he been thinking?

Taissa didn't know if she'd ever felt this awful. To be fair, the thought hadn't really entered her mind that Evan would actually care about her age once they were together again. After his earlier blushes and smiles, she had been confident that she'd been right – that things were going to be okay between them. Fate worked that way after all.

But Alex's words were ringing in her ears – confirmation that everything she'd thought was between them really was one-sided. He had a girlfriend and they had  _just_ started dating even. Though her heart cracked into a million pieces, she kept herself together. She could break apart later when no one was watching.

Her gaze only dropped from his face for a second before she lifted her eyes from the floor and smiled at him with new resolve not to let her pain show. "Wow, it looks like you've got a lot going on right now. Burgers might have to wait."

"Taissa, it's not-" Evan's mind was frantic though he kept his voice steady and firm. He couldn't let her think the worst of him. He had to make her understand… only he couldn't find the words to defend what he'd done to mess this up. He didn't know if there  _were_ words.

Finally running of steam, Alex interrupted again, this time thinking she was only apologizing for interrupting two new co-stars who were trying to get to know one another. With a friendly smile towards Taissa, she gestured toward Evan. "I'm so sorry about that. He's a bonehead with girls. You'd think I'd be used to it by now."

"It's no problem," Taissa said, hoping her smile and her soft tone would be enough to cover up the roller coaster of emotions flooding through her. She hadn't been wrong... this whole mess was going to help make her an _amazing_ actress. "Evan was just telling me about the wonderful things to do in California. I'm only going to be here a month so I need to fit them all in before I go back home."

"Oh, that's  _right!_ There are so many thing. You're going to love it! Then when the show gets picked up you'll already know all the places to go."

Taissa smiled indulgently but didn't really know what to say to this gorgeous older woman who was talking to her like they were old friends. Vaguely she wondered how Alex and Evan knew one another, but she forced the thought out of her head. It wasn't her business and she wasn't going to stress it. She only had to make it through three weeks.  _Just three weeks._

"Kyle was talking about doing Disneyland," Evan offered uncomfortably. He'd wanted to mention it to Taissa privately but it seemed as good a time as any. Maybe if they could get away from everyone they could actually have a moment to talk without being interrupted. He wanted to explain.

"Oh please, she doesn't want to hang out with you and Gallner. There's more to California than hanging out in a basement getting high," Alex snorted, giving Evan a mock glare before her eyes widened. "Oh my God, keep her away from Mintz-Plasse too!"

The horror on her face was comical and Taissa couldn't help but giggle.

"Maybe we could go out on Saturday," Alex offered instead. " _Without_ the boys even. Some friends and I were going to hike in Griffith Park to take some pictures. I bet you'd photograph beautifully."

Taissa blushed while Evan silently agreed with his friend wholeheartedly.

"Yeah, sure," she answered, a little more uncomfortably when she watched Alex take Evan's phone back in order to email herself Taissa's phone number. It seemed that Alexandra's own phone had died mid-way through Ryan's spiel about location shooting and that was the reason she'd stolen Evan's phone in the first place. If that other girl hadn't called when Alex had been holding his phone then Taissa figured she would have made much more of a fool of herself than she had already – fawning over and flirting with a guy who was already seeing someone.

Alex had no idea what was running through the younger girl's head though because she just kept talking. "You're sister's out here too, right? I think I heard your mom say that. She should come too. We could make a day of it. It'll be fun."

Taissa nodded. "For sure. When you decide to go, give me a call. It might be fun to get together with friends. Can never have too many friends."

"Exactly!" Alex said brightly, unaffected by the frown that had appeared on Evan's face. He'd been awfully silent. Vaguely she wondered what was going on. She might have to brow-beat it out of him later.

As far as Evan was concerned, he knew exactly where Taissa's words had been directed and he felt like a cockroach. He would be  _lucky_ if she'd let him be her friend.

Grateful that her mother looked to be finishing up her conversation with Frances Conroy, Taissa took a step back and moved toward where her mother was waiting for her. "Well, I guess I'll see you around, guys," she said with a forced smile. "I have school and then I get to play dress up . There's no business like show business, right?"

Alex laughed and gave the girl a small wave while Evan just watched her walk away from him and out of the room without a backward glance. He couldn't even deny how much that stung.

His previous vision of their three weeks working together was slowly evolving into planning how to spend the next three weeks trying to get her to look at him again the way she did when she'd walked in the room.


	4. Chapter 4

It was fucking early on a Sunday morning.

Ordinarily Evan would never have been caught dead awake that early on a weekend, especially on the Sunday before another busy week of shooting, but considering the fact that he hadn't really gone to bed yet, Evan was pretty sure that his reputation wouldn't suffer much from the early hour.

With his friend and roommate Ryan, he had spent most of the night before drunk as fuck, playing video games, ignoring text messages from his 'girlfriend' who was two states away visiting her parents in Scottsdale, and trying to pretend that it was just another Saturday night. It wasn't.

When Ryan finally passed out on the living room floor, Evan decided to take his beer out on the patio to watch the sun rise. After a joint or two he wasn't as wound up as he had been, but the thoughts tumbling around in his head were still there on the fringes threatening to eat him alive. He still didn't know what to do.

One by one the street lights turned off as the sun rose over the San Gabriel's but Evan's mind wasn't on the beauty of it all. His thumb nail was bitten and bleeding and his stomach was sick.

 _She_  had spent Saturday at the park with Alex and her friends. He'd thought about inviting them all to come over afterwards but he couldn't bring himself to text Alexandra about it; there were too many hard things he would have explain and he was in no mood for her meddling.

Of course, he could have just asked Taissa herself but he knew he wouldn't. When he'd realized that Alex had emailed herself Taissa's phone number from his cell he hadn't done much else but stare at the message. It would be an easy thing to add her to his contacts but even after the week they'd spent working together he wasn't sure if he had earned the right to call her a friend yet. If he sent her a text, he certainly couldn't expect a reply and he wasn't sure whether he'd be able to deal with out and out rejection like that. She'd made it pretty clear from that very first day that any sort of friendship outside of work was not going to happen easily. She was in full 'protect herself' mode and Evan knew she had every right to be. He was a bastard.

If he were the type to give up easily, he would have erased her number and just pretended that she didn't make everything else in the room go foggy around the edges when she was near him. Maybe it would be the smarter thing; the fairer thing. He could remind himself that he had a girlfriend – one that he hadn't seen in over a week and had only spoken to in a couple throw-away text messages – but she  _existed_. Of course he could do that, but Evan had never been one to sit back and take rejection or give up on something he wanted. It just wasn't who he was. He'd been taught to fight for the important things, even when he didn't deserve them.

As it was, she hadn't given him a moment to talk to her privately through the whole first week of shooting the Pilot. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that she was purposely putting space between them, standing next to Connie or making conversation with Jamie whenever he was around and they weren't filming. She was polite and sweet and the entire crew loved her, but all the flirty banter between them was gone and when she thought no one was looking, her eyes flickered with hurt and betrayal and he knew he deserved every bit of it.

He could tell she was counting down the days until filming would be over and while he was doing the same thing it was for a far different reason. For him it was one day closer to losing her forever. He couldn't let that happen with this wall, this barrier between them.

The entire production was working on a time crunch so most of the interior shots at the Rosenheim House were scheduled to be completed by the middle of week two before a few of them were heading to a high school in LA.

Evan only had a handful of scenes in the Pilot anyway and while most were with Taissa, his more challenging scenes - emotionally anyway - were with Dylan.

The more his mind though about the psychiatrist's chaise he'd spent the week sitting on, the more he knew he'd  _actually_  drive himself crazy if he didn't talk to Alex about yesterday.

Checking his watch, Evan knew Alexandra would kill him if he sent her a text this early in the morning, so he stepped gingerly over a still-passed-out Ryan and walked through to his bathroom to take a shower. Spending extra time with his head against the glass wall, he tried to think of what he could possibly say to Alex that wouldn't end up with him being smacked with that giant purse of hers.

Once he was out and dressed in a pair of beige calf-length corduroy shorts and a dark brown t-shirt, he ran his hands through his shaggy, damp hair and reached for his phone.

_'So… how did it go yesterday?'_

_'Do you realize the fucking time, Evan?'_

_'Stop bitching.'_

_'You're awake now.'_

_'I was awake before. Some of us are working.'_

_'Why are you awake?'_

_'Late night last night.'_

_'Didn't sleep at all.'_

_'I'll bet.'_

He paused and simply looked down at his phone. She knew  _something_. He felt his stomach start to twist thinking about what Taissa could have possibly said during their outing the day before. Alex messaged again before he had a chance to reply to her.

_'Calm down.'_

_'Yesterday was fun.'_

_'And Taissa?'_

_'She wouldn't talk about you.'_

_'She didn't?'_

_'No. She wouldn't.'_

_'What the hell did you do to her, anyway?'_

_'I messed up.'_

_'You don't say.'_

_'Fuck! Are you going to help or not?'_

_'Depends on what you did to her.'_

_'I'm a bastard.'_

_'I don't know what to do, Alex.'_

_'The Red Lion. 1pm.'_

_'I'll be there.'_

_'You're buying.'_

_'Course I am.'_

* * *

The Red Lion was a funky little German tavern in SilverLake. Three levels built into the side of a hill, the dark wood interiors and the ever flowing beer steins made it a fun place to have lunch and it was definitely the only place in LA to buy a good bowl of goulash.

Evan made his way through the second level of the bar, past the dictatorial barmaid in green lederhosen who ruled over her area in Germanic efficiency, and out onto the patio where he knew Alexandra would be waiting for him.

His eyes scanned the outdoor seating area for her blonde head, but a very different looking Alex waved up at him from under one of those cheesy patio umbrellas.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asked as he sat down beside her, giving her new look the once over.

Alex fingered her now  _very_  red locks and smiled behind a pair of overly large sunglasses.

"You like it? Frances and I got the same shade done this morning. It's different, but I think it'll grow on me. I might just keep it.  _She_  looks amazing of course."

"Well... it's  _different_. It'll take some getting used to but it's nice."

They ordered and the now red-head chuckled at his attempts at diplomacy."Thank you, Ev. But we didn't come here to discuss my attempts at method acting. What's going on? Taissa's a real sweetheart. If you did anything-"

Evan cut her off right there, setting his Pabst Blue Ribbon down on the table seriously. "I swear I never wanted to hurt her."

"Well, you did. That much is clear. You didn't fuck around with her, did you? When would you have had the fucking time? Her mother's always on set, isn't she?"

"No! No. I didn't. It's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Evan? Spit it out. God! You're paid to talk for a living. Speak!"

Evan mock-glared at her before taking a long swig of his beer. "I just - I  _like_  her."

Alexandra wasn't just going to let him finish with that. With her eyebrow arched, she gestured in that condescending manner of hers that she expected him to continue.

It was going to be a pain in the ass explaining things and Evan couldn't even organize his own thoughts well enough to sort them out himself but he knew that she wasn't going to let it go and he really did need her help.

Sighing, he started at the beginning. "From the moment I met her, Alex, there was  _something_. She was special. Kyle told me that it looked like the rest of the world disappeared and there was just two of us. I guess that's as good a description as any. Everything else faded away and for one tiny second I felt... I dunno. It felt like  _home_."

"So, what's the problem then, Evan? Is it the age thing? That's nothing, you know. It's not like she'll be a teenager forever. We could do group things. Maybe that Disney trip you said Gallner wanted to set up or we could do the beach." She paused when she saw his face. "Or is it that harpy you call a girlfriend?"

His mind drifted to Lexie and he stamped down another wave of guilt. He'd always considered himself a fairly decent person, but decent people didn't use people. Not the way he'd used her.

Alex continued, "If you could've just seen her face when Alanna asked me about working with you, Ev. It's like for a second her heart cracked." Alex frowned, trying to find better words to explain what she'd seen. "But it was just for a second because as quick as it came, it was gone and she was a bit more  _blank_  that she'd been before. She's one hell of an actress. She almost made me believe that she had a good time with us.  _Almost._ "

Evan winced; her every word pained him. "It's not just Lexie. It's everything. She won't talk to me. It doesn't matter what I feel or what I do."

Alexandra sighed and pushed her half-eaten goulash away from her on the table. "Well, there really isn't much you can do when you've got a girlfriend. As much as I  _loathe_ her _,_ it's a douche move to string Lexie along like this."

"There are only two weeks left."

"And then what?" she demanded, her brown eyes flashing shrewdly. "You're just going to keep on with Lexie when your heart doesn't belong to her. It's selfish. You're just being a bastard."

Even though he knew it was true, it was quite another thing to hear it from someone else – from a friend. He couldn't help but feel his temper rise. "Well, what would you have me do then? Get down on my knees and beg? To fucking forget that if we were together I'd be arrested for being a fucking pedophile. She said age was just a number but it's too late for that, Alex. I've fucked it all up and I can't see my way out of it."

She set her hand on his arm comfortingly and sighed. Alex knew what it was to love someone and lose them. Evan had been her friend through the painful years she suffered after losing Bryten. Her voice was softer now. Her own heart hurt for her friend, but there were only two weeks left. Maybe something could be salvaged. "Just be her friend, Evan. If the world really disappears when you're with her, then you need to live for that. You can't give it up."

Evan nodded slowly.

"And sort it out with Lexie, Evan. It's not fair to her. She doesn't deserve it, no matter how much of a flake she is."

* * *

Taissa liked Shelby Young the moment she'd met her. Of course she had read the pilot's script and she knew that she was going to have to hate the other girl on screen – but at their first impromptu scene reading she found herself sitting across the table from Shelby who was wearing a bright pink t-shirt with 'This Princess Saves Herself' emblazoned across the front and it had immediately brought a grin to Taissa's face.

The girls were closer in age than she and Alexandra and the history between the older woman and Evan was too big to ignore. It was obvious on the weekend when they'd been up at Griffith Park that Alex and her friends moved in the same circles as Evan and his, and with every mention of his name Taissa felt her stomach clench and her heart break a little more. She didn't want it to, but every day it was getting harder and harder to just ignore the hurt. So, she'd decided that if she didn't have to spend as much time with his friends, then she'd do what she needed to.

Not that she didn't ever see him or anything, but while most of his scenes were with her, she had quite a few that were with the other actors and in other filming locations from wherever he was. She'd gotten to like Connie quite a bit and she was thrilled when the older woman told her that she didn't mind at all if Taissa wandered about with her a bit between shots.

Connie had this way about her that Taissa couldn't help but admire. She could crack jokes and have a bit of laugh but as soon as Ryan would call 'Action' it was all seriousness and play-time was over. She hardly ever broke character when the cameras were rolling and it was something that Taissa aspired to.

And of course there was Jessica Lange. Taissa didn't have a single scene with her but it was a privilege just to watch her work. During one particular scene, both she and Evan stood mesmerized behind the cameras, watching the older woman complete an entire scene perfectly in one take. When it was done, she couldn't help but turn to him and give him a wide genuine smile before realizing that he didn't get to have those anymore and she slammed the shutters to her heart all over again. Mentally berating herself, she ignored the pain that flashed across his face and went in search of Shelby or one of the twins to take her mind of things she couldn't have – things she foolishly let herself believe she wanted.

Later, when the door to the make-up trailer that was set up outside Fairfax High School opened, she hadn't expected  _him_  to be there. Of course, she'd read that he would be at the school with them, but he wasn't in their scenes so she hadn't put it together. It felt like a stab to the heart when Shelby gave him a cheerful smile and welcomed him into their little space.

The girls were there for a make-up touch up after filming the billowy hallway walking scene a half dozen times – each time the extras not doing whatever it was that Ryan wanted them too. Shelby didn't seem to mind the spit in her hair too much and they both were having a lot of fun with their stunt doubles performing their first cat fight.

She and Shelby were just about to film their second fight scene and while she was glad to be temporarily away from the horrible fake cigarette smoke that was tempting her to take up real smoking just to get away from the awful incensey smell, she wasn't prepared to come face to face with Evan with no excuse and nowhere else to go.

To make matters worse, Evan was in full costume and it was all she could do not to drool all over herself. The way he looked in layer upon layer of black wool made her weak in the knees. He must have come a lot earlier that morning to get the Rick Genest make-up look that Ryan was after but it paid off. He looked positively terrifying and it was more than a little trippy seeing him laugh at something Shelby had said with a skeleton on his face and down his neck.

He must have noticed her staring because he caught her gaze and held it, a tentative smile spreading across his features. When he spoke, she had to shake her head a bit to clear her thoughts enough to hear what he'd said to her. This time, there were no excuses, no mention of the past or anything. He was just  _talking_  and it reminded her how much she'd been looking forward to actually getting to know him before everything turned to shit.

She wasn't sure whether it was painful or not to find that he really was as fun and sweet as she had hoped. With no mention of his girlfriend, she could almost pretend that things between them were perfect - that they could be  _friends_ even _._

They were laughing and joking and talking, and unintentionally leaving Shelby out of the conversation completely. For one brief moment, she forgot that was she was just a silly little girl who had deluded herself with ridiculous fantasies about her co-star. But then he reached out and casually touched her arm and a shock of pain shot through her. Not physical pain but rather some clouded traitorous thought reminding her that everything she was feeling was all in her head. She winced and drew her hand away instinctively.

He frowned but didn't say anything and Shelby didn't seem to notice it. They'd been called to set so she was standing at the door hurrying the younger girl along, leaving Evan behind for his intensive reapplication of black smudge to his face for the reshoots of his scenes later in the afternoon.

He was alone with only the make-up artist for only a second when Taissa returned to grab her porkpie hat from where she'd rested it on the table beside them.

Taking the opportunity to speak to her, no matter how little time he had, Evan sat up and grabbed her hand. "Taissa," he began but she waved him off with a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, Evan. It's okay," she said softly without taking her hand from his. She had decided to accept his peace offering. Maybe if they could be friends then the next two weeks would hurt a little less. "See you later, okay?"

He nodded and reluctantly let go of her hand. She smiled again and stepped back out into the sunshine where Shelby was waiting with a smug look on her face.

"You like him!"

Taissa snorted. "Yeah, but he has a girlfriend."

"Boo! That blows," Shelby intoned, with an eye roll. "Well, she's not here now and you  _are_. Have fun while you're young, chica!" And with a wink, she left Taissa in wardrobe where they could let Erick fuss with their costumes before their scene was called.

* * *

Filming was a lot more fun for both of them once they decided to be friends. At least, that's what they told themselves they were.  _Friends._  What that entailed was a lot of time spent 'alone' together, waiting as their sets were dressed between takes. There were always a lot of people around them, but usually they were in a world of their own.

At first it was just superficial things. They would talk about books and music – neither of which they agreed upon, and after a while she even started teaching him sign language. He was pretty terrible but it made her laugh and that's why he did it. He loved to make her laugh.

The final days of shooting were looming over them like a rain cloud. Even when she was shouting that she never wanted to see him again on film, the reality of what was about to happen to them was settling on their shoulders and both were miserable about it.

While Ryan and Brad tidied up and edited the final shots so they could be shown to the network, the actors and crew were gathering for one last hurrah before going their separate ways. No one wanted to call it a wrap party because for most, they were hoping that there would be many episodes left to film if the network picked up the show.

For the entire day, Taissa had been depressed without actually admitting that she was depressed. Even her mother was giving her a wide berth, choosing instead to visit with Jessica and Frances. Shelby couldn't even cheer her up. The day after tomorrow she was scheduled to head back to New Jersey and back to her real life. Evan was staying here... with his girlfriend. Did he still have a girlfriend? Taissa wasn't sure.

Finding a quiet corner of the set to sit and work through what she was feeling, she drew her knees up to her chest, resting her head against them as tears threatened to fall. When he finally found her, she felt him as soon as he walked into the room. When he crossed to sit beside her she let him rest his arm on the small of her back.

"Do you still have a girlfriend, Evan?" Taissa whispered, finally mentioning what they'd both avoided for the last two weeks.

"Yeah, I guess so," he answered slowly, unsure where she was going with this. Lexie wasn't scheduled to come back from Phoenix until later that night. He had finally admitted to himself that he was an asshat, but even  _he_ couldn't break up with a girl over the phone.

Taissa frowned, straightening up. "How can you  _guess_  so? You either do or you don't."

"I wasn't supposed to," he started, somehow trying to explain his idiotic plan to the girl he'd devised the plan to save himself from. "We broke up like 2 months ago. But then I met you and I couldn't-"

Her mouth dropped. "You got back together with your ex  _because_  you met me? Wow." She stood up and pushed past him, refusing to let him see her tears again.

"Stop, Tai, it wasn't like that!" He reached out to her and grabbed the sleeve of her sweater.

"What was it like then, Evan?" She half-heartedly attempted to pull her arm free from his grasp but he held her firmly

"I thought if I was with her then I wouldn't feel this way about you." It had been an insane idea; he knew this was never going to go away. "I don't cheat. I never cheat. I was trying to protect myself from wanting something I couldn't have."

"Well, how's that working out for ya?" she asked defiantly, her caramel eyes flashed anger and pain. What hurt worse was that she could almost understand why he'd done it.

"Still don't have what I want." He didn't take his eyes from hers and he pulled her closer, calming her heart the closer he held her.

"Who's fault is that?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. Her eyes instinctively drifted to his lips and her head felt heavy.

"Mine and the State of California," he answered, closing the rest of the distance between them and sliding a hand in her hair as he finally found her mouth with his own.

Sharing the same breath, the hunger they'd both felt for the past few weeks erupted. She tasted exactly has he'd imagined, her soft lips opening easily against his as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Cinnamon and chocolate only driving him closer to oblivion pressing kisses along her jaw and down her neck.

Gripping the back of his neck, Taissa's hands tangled in his hair and a soft keening sound erupted from the back of her throat. He growled and pulled her closer, nipping at her bottom lip and sliding his hand along the hem of her sweater.

As physically painful as it was, Taissa knew she had to stop this before they did something they couldn't go back from. She didn't know how she managed it, but with both arms pressed gently against his shoulders, she pulled away from the kiss. His head leaned in to capture hers for one last chaste kiss before he sat back, out of breath and unwilling to take his eyes off hers.

Looking at the floor, Taissa lifted her fingers to her lips for a second before lifting her gaze to his. "You don't cheat, Evan. Neither do I."

"Taissa, wait." He had to explain. She had to understand. Lexie wasn't who he wanted to be with. He would just tell her. Age was only a number. Anything. He had to explain everything,  _anything_  to make her understand.

Through her tears, she shook her head. She was going home. He was staying here.

"I just can't, Evan. I'm sorry," she whispered, and with that she walked out of the room and shattered his heart completely.

* * *

Evan had no idea how he got home.

He was pretty sure that he drank  _a lot_  after Taissa left the party.

Slamming the door behind himself with his foot, Evan stepped into the apartment and was nearly knocked over by a short brunette head of mostly hair.

His eyes focused a bit on the girl who had her arms wrapped around him and he realized that Alexia must have let herself into his place when she got back from Scottsdale.

"Surprise!" she squealed, stepping on her toes to press a quick kiss to his lips.

After the mind-blowing experience he'd had earlier that night with Taissa his lips against Lexie's felt hollow. He was empty. There was nothing.

"Did you miss me?" his girlfriend asked, an eager grin on her face. He knew what she wanted to hear.

"Sure. Yeah," he answered numbly, letting her drag him over to the sofa where she promptly sat herself down on his lap.

"You did?" Her eyes were wide with excitement. She slid her hands down his chest and rocked her hips against his. "I've missed you like crazy, baby."

Evan's head was still a bit cloudy but even he could tell what she was trying to do. His first instinct was to explain to her that they couldn't be together any more. That she was a nice girl and that she'd find someone who was in love with her someday.

But he didn't say any of that. The look on Taissa's face when she walked away... she'd rejected him despite everything – that's what drove him to do what he did next. Instead of pushing Lexie away he kissed her back. He just closed his eyes and imagined he was with someone else.

Excited that he wasn't pushing her away this time, Lexie lowered herself to her knees on the floor in front of him and tugged at his jeans to show him just how much she'd missed him. When she took him into her mouth, his eyes tightened shut; Evan refusing to look down at eyes that were the wrong colour - his fingers tangling in hair that was the wrong colour.

He nearly bit his lip bloody, stopping himself from calling out the wrong name as he came.

Lexie cleaned herself up and then rose into his lap to snuggle in against his chest. As far as she was concerned, things were better than ever.

From Evan's perspective, he'd retaliated against having his heart cut out and slammed against a wall. The text message from Ryan Murphy letting him know that the show had been picked up for a full season would be read later and he'd have to deal with the consequences of his choices later.

* * *

Taissa hadn't even managed a goodnight to her mother. She had slipped into her room at Vera's condo and immediately locked the bedroom door behind her.

She could still taste him on her lips and she could feel every part of herself thrumming with anticipation for what she was about to do.

Her clothes found the floor quickly and she climbed into bed, fingers finding what they were looking for almost immediately. She was sopping wet and her fingers sliding against her most sensitive places sent electricity to every part of her. She didn't say his name out loud, but her back arched against the bed as she imagined his blond hair between her thighs. She bit her lip as she came and the tears began to stream down her face as she caught her breath.

When her phone buzzed from the bedside table, her heart leaped into her throat. She was so certain that it was him; that Evan wouldn't give up on her but she didn't even bother to hide her disappointment that it was Ryan. It looked like she had a job.

"Well, fuck!"

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my gosh! The fangirly response to the very IDEA of Parmiga!fic has been overwhelming. I initially started writing because Evan on a motorcycle DEMANDS to be written after that Nylon photo shoot... but that scene isn't in this chapter and the rest of the story sorta took on a life of its own. Extra love and cuddles in thanks to shootingstella, persephone33, chinesebakery, huushiita, seegrim and LovelyHelena)


End file.
